dazed

Perpetual
calender makes
my head hurt.

written while waiting no more

no foot lagging
on precipice of
air.  dance into
water with golden
fish jumping
to serve up
natural glitter. 

gust whipping
yellow hair
tipped with
seafoam green

salt wind so
purifying.

stripping back,
shimmer
reflecting
true love.

accepted, chosen
herself.

To a brave new
year, lived for
yourself.

in love.

It Died

Buy the print

Painting in the new year

Tonight will be celebrated with my favorite things:
Painting, champagne, dance music and chips.
I bought the biggest canvas that would fit in the car
and I still wonder if I have enough paint but I
figured bringing in the new year doing my favorite
thing would be perfect.  It would also ensure I
have a spectacular night. Be safe everyone and
have a super special New Year's Eve!  My dog
keeps looking at me funny so I better take him
for a walk in the snow now.  He's excited :)

Happy, happy!!!!

New Year's Resolution

The most straightforward questions are the hardest to answer

I'm in scholarship application mode and it sort of drives me crazy.  How will obtaining a degree help you?   What will you do with the Scholarship money?  I love free money and writing a bit about things isn't so much to ask but I want to pull my hair out.  I wish they could make it more interesting at least.  Why do purple monkeys eat their bananas upside down?  Tape record yourself sleeping and write an essay describing your emotions while listening to the tape.  I don't know.  If I had a scholarship it'd be a totally absurd topic to write about.  That would weed out the people with no sense of humor.  Who needs them anyway?  just kidding.  You know I'm just killing time by writing this blog post.  I'm sitting at starbucks in the corner looking at the fireplace and not writing my essay.  I did one already though, yay.  Must have been the sugar from the rice crispie treat I ate that gave me the ambition.  Also I think I know someone who is working here but I didn't say anything and am trying to be invisible because it was awkward.  Blah, back to work for me.  Oh yeah, I'm going back to school but you probably already gathered that.  Wish me luck!

Good day beach

Buy the print

Buy the print

Buy the print

Feel good song :)

This is the opening song to The Devil Wears Prada, a common 'working' movie for me.  (I put movies on while I work)  It's my favorite part of the movie, besides the Paris scenes of course.  There must be something to the two letter 'K' names because KD Lang is incredible, too. 

Sunday after sun

The meaty part of my thumb twitches
awaiting spanakopita warming in a
timed oven.   Sell books in the
meantime, watch The Devil Wears
Prada while listing Fashion Sketch
2003 edition.  I've been up since
last midnight and the sun's just
gone down on today.  Dead
roses, molded actually, finally
in the trash.  Twice gone with
that doesn't make the missing done.

Merry Christmas :)

My first Christmas with Chinese food :)  I can't wait.  Did the family thing last night and a bit this morning.  There is a different feeling this year, not of lack but of openness.  I hope everyone is enjoying their day whether Christmas is the theme or not.  I can't remember the last time we had snow on the ground for Dec. 25th but it sure is nice. 

Happy Holidays!

Holiday hillsides

adorned with pines

lighted by candles

flickering in night.

Clementines in

stockings warmed

by fire logs

merry christmas,

merry christmas

with love from

Rachel's heart.

The month of movies

I just have to say that if you enjoy Shakespeare and have not seen the 1996 version of Hamlet with Kenneth Branagh shame on you!  It is 242 minutes of mastery that you will want to watch over and over again.  Every few years I put it on and am instantly captivated.  Branagh not only respects the original work but adds life beyond it. 

Break-up

Wait!  We never
used the
handcuffs...

Unread

To hold off on making it a memory
doesn't make it relevant, it just
prolongs the fantasy which
is so much easier to live in.

Coffee before breakfast

The day is unfaceable.
Without a name,
without a sound,
sleep
is born.
Unraveling
into peace.
She knew
this.

New Morning

The light this morning is so warm the trees glow from the cracks in their bark.

Update post that disappeared on both blogs! How did that happen? Ultra strange...

It's snowing all around Connecticut right now so I hope everyone is driving safely.  I've heard that the NYCIP Small Press Book Fair is being held in March 2010 instead of this month (which is when it usually happens) so just a heads up for all you living in the tri-state area.  March!!  Woohoo.  Also, Sephyrus Press is still taking submissions for the Afterlife Anthology.  It's really coming together but there is still time to submit.  Happy Holidays :)

For those of you who use Duotrope's Digest to track submissions, there is a listing for the afterlife anthology here.

Snow Puppy

I forgot how much Jasper likes the snow!  Here are some wacky pictures of him being really excited about it. 

This is the funniest picture of Jasper I've ever seen.  He is usually very photogenic but I caught him running up and down the living room here.  Silly puppy...I wonder where he gets that from!

Sandbar Sunrise

Things to do...

at 5:14am When You Suddenly Come Into Money, a State-Wide Snow Emergency is on its Way in a Few Hours, it is the Last Weekend Before Christmas and you Still Have to Make Two Robes, 2 Pairs of Fleece Pajamas and a Hat Which Includes Purchasing Materials From the Store and Last But Not Least You Are Out of Movies to Watch and You Aren't Tired:

1. Get gas at Cumby's and internally chuckle when the clerk thinks you just woke up.
2. Decide not to bring your laptop with you and grab your camera instead because you hope to catch the sunrise but you obviously end up at Starbucks and have to write in your tiny notebook because you were not thinking clearly at 5:14 in the morning.
3. Get yourself a grande mocha and say, "hell yeah!" to the barista who looks like she just crawled out of bed and thinks you are Elf when she asks if you want whipped cream on that. 
   
4. Sit alone at Starbucks writing in a tiny notebook listening to blenders and too-loud jazz music because the stores you need to go to don't open until 8:00.
5. Decide that sleep is never necessary when chocolate coffee is just a car ride away.
6. Refine purchase list.
   
7. Drive by frozen ponds and ponder the existence of life in said ponds.
8. Write a reminder note to check if frogs really bury themselves in mud to survive the winter.  
9. Check the time.
10. See that it's only 6:30 and you still have an hour and a half to go before needed store is open.
11. Remember when stores had crazy ridiculous "holiday shopping hours.'
12. Dig the song on the radio!  "How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand....The answer my friend is blowing in the wind, the answer is blowing in the wind."
13. Plan a fake vacation to Paris.
14. Concede that 11 degrees is really not that bad, in fact it can be fun to get bundled up.
15. Wonder about all the people who are just setting foot out of bed, are turning off their alarm clocks or getting into the shower.
16. Find a beach to take pictures of the sunrise at.
17. Pull up to the beach and notice the low tide.
18. Savor low tide memories of stuck shoes, blue crabs, sand dollars and sea urchins.
19. Pull on hood, grab camera and brace yourself for the cold, cold wind.
20. Ask yourself why in hell you are on a sandbar at 6:58am when your rearview mirror temperature gauge says 'ice' instead of a numeric temperature.
21. Melt a little, not at the heat coming back on in the car, but at "Crash Into Me" which is on the radio after you start the engine.
22. Drive to another beach with a different view.
23. Get out.  
24. Take pictures of birds and barges.
25. It's final.  You really are a fool.  You can't feel your fingers.  
26. Get back in the car.
27. Pray the store you need really does open at 7:00 even though the website said 8:00.
28. Sniffle.
29. Write a song in your head while walking up to the store:

Are you open
Please be open
Are you open
Please say yes!

   30.  Sing song as if it will help your cause.
   31.  Swear out loud.
   32.  Agree with the radio as it plays "I think your crazy" by Gnarles Barkley.
   33.  Tap foot, sing, bob head.
   34.  Ask the question:  Kill time at Walmart or read book while waiting 35 34 minutes for store to open?
   35.  Get lost in Walmart.
   36.  Emerge from the Walmart vortex with wrapping paper, socks and a bunch of other stuff you really didn't need.
   37.  Look at the time and notice that your store just opened.
   38.  Enter store.
   39.  Grab a cart.
   40.  Let the Christmas music whisk you away to that magical holiday place that has been eluding you this year as you become happily dazed by all the fabulous fabric that you have to choose from and the wondrously nice people who happen to be in the same altered state of reality that you are.

Just watched Juno

Great movie! 

Swirl

This option is safe.  What happened this evening is fear.  To give it up, go on without.  Sit beside me, undo my fragile hair.  Rest and forgive me, this all over storm.  Where is gone now but up.

 

A book I wouldn't want to live without

The Abstract Expressionists had neither a manifesto nor a program or comprehensive theories, but they knew how to bring artistic activity to incandescence, to the extent that each put his [and her] entire "metaphysical substance" into play...

                                                           From Art of the 20th Century, A Year by Year Chronicle

inter

too many cookies.  black mountain died with writers and painters.  they had a good deal.  i wish it was in new york.  new york school.  i will probably not ever go to school again.  it seems i am not able to keep up with normal people.  other people tell me what to do.  my dad says i can make a lot of money ghosthunting.  i don't want to take things from haunted people.  they will suck it right back into their houses.  they usually do.  this is my favorite daft punk song:

you can hear the beats unfurl.  they are bulbous.  they let you pick for yourself.  if i were to explain techno to someone i would use this song.  up beat, down beat.  go for it.  it is named after a bird.

what happens now that the alien is gone?  it said lift off.  it promised many things.  it also promised that my affection is not disappearing.  i surely don't get it.  all i can do is work.  work is my propulsion.  it is actually going well.  making things.  it is necessary.  major restructuring.  holy cow...

i was almost certain you would go away.  not you.  you.  it's rather hard to hide.  haha.  i'm in a strange mood.  lastly, not really, yes.  time has overlapped lately.  patterns from long ago are becoming clear.  there is really only one way out.  it's the way it started this time around...that's a lie.  it's the way i made it in the middle.  where are you going with this?  not sure...ever. 

going to get a cookie and a cup of tea.

makeshift interview

Who should we talk to?
You know who you want to talk to.
Oh yeah?  Well, who are you?  I don't like your tone.  Let me find a better go-between.
Fine but you are just embarrassed that I know you so well.
Ok,  I'm going with my original idea...yes, the one you figured out.  bye!
Hi
I thought it was funny that you recognized yourself the other day.  It really surprised me!
You know I didn't really.  It was just a coincidence. 
Neither of us believe in coincidence!  You are silly but I understand your point.  It's a little too much to admit because of what that would mean as a whole.
I guess. 
You did ask me to draw that though. 
Haha, I know.
So what are you up to these days?
Practicing the color purple.
I am trying to understand what that means.  You mean aligning with your real self?  Letting it give you strength?
nope.  
Sometimes you are infuriating!  Well what do you mean then?
just forget about it. 
Fine.  What about what we talked about the other night?   Is that still a good idea?
Yeah!  I'm so nervous though.  It might not happen, you know.
Me too.  haha.  We are dorks.
You are beautiful.
So are you.
So what now?
I guess we just wait and see. 
Make sure you let me know when you get here.  Maybe let just me know.  
I can do that.  Bye.
see-ya

Do you have to believe in money in order to have some?

Listening to Portishead.  Man on the floor playing video games.  Shaking my head side to side.  Music.  Type.  'We suffer everyday, what is it for?  These crowns of illusion are fooling us all.'  So.  I just read an insightful article about the current economic situation.  It talks about debt.  I wish I understood money.  Here's part of a comment:

For as long as I can remember, I’ve known that Money wasn’t real.  ... There was a long spell in my thirties when I tried to join the Real World; I took seminars and went to therapy, visited astrologers who told me I had low self esteem and believed I didn’t deserve money, so this was why I was poor.
I thought very hard about this, for a very long time.
Deserve?I finally thought. I don’t even believe it exists. I have to consciously work myself into a state of suspended disbelief in order to participate. Money is a floating value, it is tied to nothing, as far as I can see, except the imaginations of its handlers. People are given outrageous amounts of the stuff for doing absolutely nothing, or actually skillfully convincing others to give it to them, for nothing. If you follow any major financial news outlet you can see the most confounding activity going on dealing entirely with invented values; massive tsunamis of the stuff rising and falling based on the whims of people we will never meet who manage the flow. -ginblossom

What's a girl to do?  Not sure yet.  I mean, time doesn't exist either but i still manage to set my alarm clock. 

Damn alien....lift off.....ahhhh, space

It is International Talk With A British Accent Day!!!!!

Come on, you know you want to  participate.  Be a good chap and have some fun!


 continued from:

BAB targets anglophiles and is holding its first International talk with a fake British accent day on December 17th in NYC. Begun as a virtual global event on Facebook, BAB have organised a face-to-face NYC event at Slatterys midtown pub, 8 East 36th Street, to celebrate the British accent and bring anglophiles together.
Everyone (even the Brits) is invited to adopt a fake accent for the event and may find themselves tested on the day by fiendish tongue twisters. You could mimic other famous "fakers", such as Dick van Dyke in Mary Poppins or Austin Powers. “Fakers” will be recorded for posterity and members will get a chance to listen, vote, comment and discuss their efforts online.
We are excited about 2010 and building our expat network. For more information, check out Big Apple Brits.

Russell Wins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Intergalactic with scribbles

For what excitement is to come
the coffee in my mug.
from Paris, it depicts a
scene.  Stranded with a bad knee.
Intersecting my wildest dream.
You kneel, take my hand, agree.

My love.

Not ever mixed

Of interest.  Educated,
youthful...  Inherent indolence.
Why she reads kittens into
mothers.  Why leaps
appear suddenly.  The
work, your gifts.

Year End Review plus a Preview of 2010

My 2009

My 2010


I will be posting a loose translation of these two drawings on a different blog soon.  The process was so helpful in gaining perspective of what's gone on this past year that I decided to offer the service to other people.  When I have more details I'll post a link.  I think we all had a tough year so don't be hard on yourself about where you're at if that's an issue.  Rest, relax and enjoy the holidays :)  Whew....

Fantasy remix

I like how you get so far in the video and then realize the dancers are on roller skates :) I admire people who can perform in gowns like that. She can barely walk yet she sounds great.

As requested

I'm listening to a Mariah Carey cd.  It's actually a two disc set of remixes and heartbreaker is on at the moment.  "Don't go and break my heart, heartbreaker you've got the best of me, why, why, why....and I just keep coming back incessantly..."  It's a great song.  This picture seems exactly that except when you get to the end it opens up.  That middle part is love, the soft pink...it intersects a thought process, orange, then after that opens to the real world.  The people share the middle stream, yet life exists separately on either side.  From the looks of it these people have their hands full of lively duties, projects and the like.  The common form, magenta mountains, seem to indicate an intense journey full of ups and downs.  They also mirror eachother.  Two lives that are mirrored even when the lives are separate is interesting to me.  It would indicate a common connection beyond the everyday.  If that element wasn't present I would say to just let this go and see what happens in the fall of next year, but interaction seems like a good idea here.  A grounding of the mountain so to speak...We all know that mountains are part of the earth and not just tall rocks.  Roots that deep can serve to be an enourmous support system.  The magenta color they are drawn with tells of an intense passion and the strong, clean line with which they are drawn makes them even more powerful. 

Turner Prize Awarded

"...Richard Wright won the £25,000 cheque that accompanies Britain's most prestigious annual art prize. His contribution to this year's exhibition? An incredibly intricate painting in gold leaf that covers an entire wall of a gallery inside Tate Britain like a bolt of the finest damask wallpaper. A glorious, eminently civilised work, it looks gossamer-delicate, as though it has been woven out of sunbeams." - The Telegraph

The rest of the article, which can be read at the above link, should be read by anyone who wants to smile.  Beauty is coming back to the forefront of the contemporary art scene which makes me super happy.  I couldn't be more thrilled with the winner of the Turner Prize this year and see it only fitting that the painting featured above will be whited over at the end of the month.  Renewal!  Way to go.

My third day straight of watching Serendipity

If
ever a
moment for concession

to sunlight should
arise... let
this

lady
be the
first to know.



I'm hooked.  John Cusack is awesome, although I didn't really like High Fidelity. I always want to call it 'Mix Tape' but I know that's not the right name.  Better Off Dead... was an amazing movie and the best quote is from the kid on the bike, "two dollars!!!"  Haha.  Sixteen Candles is another staple he was in.  I'm a Hughes addict plus Molly Ringwold is genius. 

It's snowing all around Connecticut right now so I hope everyone is driving safely.  I've heard that the NYCIP Small Press Book Fair is being held in March 2010 instead of this month (which is when it usually happens) so just a heads up for all you living in the tri-state area.  March!!  Woohoo.  Also, Sephyrus Press is still taking submissions for the Afterlife Anthology.  It's really coming together but there is still time to submit.  Happy Holidays :)

Christmas Wish

Ending up

Red bush not feeling well.
Cloning never a good idea.
Backlog fires, feeding rituals.
Grow in the belly, Christmas-
time holly, headaches.
Serendipity yet again.
Transference. Maybe gables.
Peaked for down-slope speed.
Red bush in snow. White.
No grass or white.
Frozen pond. Deflecting.

Whatever

Certainly I'm out of line-
have been for centuries.
It's in my DNA so
all you scientists can
understand.  Out of line
does not mean a dog
with a leash nor a
liar with a long, pointed
nose.  Out of line...let's
ask a friend.  One who
has serendipitously been
acquainted with another
strain of disrespect. 
What the fuck is the point
of all this drama?  That
over-beating heart does
not mean excitement of
romanticism, eroticism
or any of the other
pleasures of body/mind.
Indignant is a possibility
warned by my astrologer.
So it ends here, you see.
In a poem, neatly packaged,
to mean this thing or another.

Jasper

I am sniffly and have just finished making ornaments.  Jasper is laying on the green carpet.  I'm pretty sure he is just waiting for me to go downstairs to give him a dog treat.  His ear is sticking up, he's listening to me type this about him.  He knows.

A message to me

How be that deal?
Done with dead things, yeah.
May never be mine
so don't ya fly outta view.

It's not really done

I gave you a sucky blog post
but my computer will hibernate
now and corrections are futile
due to google reader eating up
the first draft.  My apologies.

Ashbery in Vanderbilt Hall

My trek into the city to hear John Ashbery read started in a rush.  After recording subway directions and train times into my tiny Hello Kitty notebook I had about 20 minutes to get downtown to hop the train to NY.  My before-train ritual includes buying coffee from the cafe across from the train station.  So I ran there and back again, bought my ticket and waited on the platform.  Train rides can be so calming and a great place to read so I grabbed a medium sized book, The Art of Loving:  An Inquiry into the Nature of Love, by Erich Fromm, off my shelf before leaving the house.  So the train ride ends at Grand Central then take 2 subways to get me to within 2 minutes of Washington Square.  I get lost.  haha...

Leave it to me to draw the most unhelpful map.  I walk around for 20 minutes and take in the sights of Soho, buy a tuna salad sandwich at a deli and almost give up finding MacDouglal Street to see La Danse at a tiny theater on some side street.  I'm glad I didn't see the movie because I did find Vanderbilt Hall and hear Ashbery. 

He reads with such control and humor that everyone hangs on his words and chuckle in unison at the end of lines.  One poem in particular which is comprised of movie titles has everyone folded over.  After the reading I almost walk out of the door without buying a book or having anything signed but change my mind.  I probably won't see him again and decide that meeting him would be something I'd remember forever.  Plus the books were being sold at a discount so I took advantage and buy Notes from the Air selected later poems. 

When I get up to meet him and have the book signed I don't say much.  He keeps looking at me as if he expects more or maybe I just look silly with my big grin.  I tell him it's such a pleasure to meet him and does he mind  if I take a picture for my blog.  Still with the strange look on his face he says something like, "sure, it's ok," smiles and addresses the next person in line.

Jack Johnson!

His music is so calming.  No matter what mood I'm in when it comes on I just melt into a warm pool of marshmallow goodness...no toasted outside, just gooey center.  :)  







This is the radio song from the album.  I've thoroughly enjoyed all of the music I've heard by him.  

Newest painting #2

painting above mirror
say to me what you will
i know your name is
inconsistent to me
blue eyes mean past
life- leave,
me alone.
give up on 
tempestuous
mistakes
soft lips wait for you.
done.  now.  soft green
smile
tomorrow
brings you 
golden sunrise.


i don't trust you
painting.  your environment
speaks not truth.  shining doorway
deflecting light is not a good sign.
take me to the threshold but spare me
your answers.

kitchen adventure

I eat a porkchop
trim off the fat
once and then
several more times
spit out a bone
eat more
scrape up potatoes
search for
more potatoes.

Hehe....silly greenie

I have a job interview tomorrow with a company I worked for last year as a temp.  It is in the highly exciting field of Quality Control for aerospace and automotive parts.  It is the only job I've ever had where they didn't allow me to dye my hair green and at about 11pm this evening I realized that my hair is still green from Halloween.  Good thing I have hair dye under the bathroom sink.  The biggest reason for going back to work is the thought of actually being able to print books.  With more capital for Sephyrus Press, Rachel will be a much happier beach-goer.  :)  Who knows...if I get the job I'll let you know by having a book release party somewhere.  Now that's worth selling your soul for. 

I should be sleeping...

You!

I think you shove a sock in the rabbit's mouth.  You wear a green skin to pretend you are a frog prince.  You eat words for breakfast.  Paragraphs are your answer to the 'tartini.'  Dogs refuse to bark at you.  Cats line your hallways so your feet never get cold.  The people who piss you off the most sometimes email you instead of offending you with their petty conversational styles.  Small talk is your worst enemy.  Small talk doesn't save the day it just reminds you that you can't say what you really want to.  No one is pretending to not understand.  Everyone else does disappear.  You actually do remember every piece of information exchanged.  Everything reminds you of this hidden file. You make yourself cry while listening to songs on the radio in your car.  You effervesce.  You go back and forth in an endless loop of tears and sunrise joy.  You say, 'fuck it' and depending on the minute mean it to be give up or go for it.  You have night terrors that you don't remember.  You pet the silent dogs and give them turkey leftovers and they love you.  You watch movies to add to the file.  You listen to windows media player playlists dedicated to yourself.  You quit perfectly wonderful jobs because it's 'the right thing to do' considering the circumstances.  You don't gossip or  participate in water cooler gab.  You decorate for the holidays by hanging snowflake ornaments on Egyptian cat statues.  You went to the prom with your best friend.  You are confused and irritated.  You decide what to dream about before you go to sleep.  Your head rests on a pillow case embroidered by your grandmother and it tells you what to do.

Last month I had an outside painting day

They are finally dry, yay!  The first one is the warm up.  I always do a warm up to get the juices flowing.  They are usually quite colorful but never anything I am in love with.  I think it's just a way to get the palette started since I begin with so few colors.  This one has a name though, it's called The Currents. 

 

 

This was the first time anyone's watched me paint.  This may sound strange, but I've always wanted to make a video recording of myself painting to see what I look like.  Most of the time I am in a blissful state but sometimes there is this seriousness that comes over me.  Always wanted to see it.   Meh....hehe

poem written on empty bank deposit envelope while listening to the sounds of zombies dying, lol

Sexy
food means
McDonald's french fries-

greasy, rehydrated, salty
potatoes which
mush

between
tongue and
roof of mouth.

Hear me consume,
palpable turn
on.