Discoveries

New
bridges, new
eyes.  Brownies dancing

in sun-setting light.
My Sabian
symbol.

encore rap

Manipulation, capitulation
Right out of the scene.

Have fun, drink tons.

I'm gone at sunset
Reaching for unrest

This test, flowing
River vests, my best bet

Lie to me, cry to me,
I'm gone you see -

Never aging, never fading,
My flame crests

with the best of the best.

Sacral

Fearless, fluttered, blocked.
Imbibing, unrelenting, too soft.

Extreme, unemotional,
not yet done.

Expanding, come on,
I know you're in there.

Chickadees and Master Chirpers Alike

We all have something in common; our energetic make up.  Whether we choose to acknowledge that part of ourselves or not, it's there waiting to be sorted out and supported.  A lot of people ask me how they can become more whole, more integrated with life, more connected to their truths, and the answer depends on the person asking the question.  Everyone's best first step differs, but since you start where you are, the best step is always the first one you make.

To demonstrate, imagine a circle.  Along the perimeter of this circle are tasks you can complete to enrich your experience on this planet by connecting your whole self together.  I want you to draw dots with your mind on random points around the circle.  Now picture yourself in the middle.  You are a bigger dot, the center of the bulls-eye.  Draw a line starting in the middle and with that willy-nilly attitude that I know you have, just start connecting.  Don't redraw the circle, don't make spokes, connect one to the other and to you with random intention creating a picture that is not at all symmetrical or even aesthetically pleasing.  Modern art, you, the way.  My experience with modern art galleries over the past few years has left me quite uncomfortable and confused.  This is what your drawing should do.

The path to a fuller you has no linear course.  You work on what comes up.  You move with the energy of your system and it will always guide you to where you want to go.  All you have to do is pay attention and be willing to let go of what is no longer serving you.  The best example of this I can relay comes from my beginner aura seeing class.  Students can normally see their own energy (their aura) within five minutes.  They get excited and some get freaked out, but they see it; some even see color on their first try, which is quite remarkable.  Then the party-crasher comes to town and about half of them lose it.  What is this awful deterrence of growth?  It's not our parents coming home and turning on the lights and kicking everyone out, it's not the hallucinogenic drugs we didn't do prior to our experiment, it's the mind.  The mind kicks in and says, "Yo, that's whack!  You can't see what isn't there and since you didn't notice it in ALL the years you've been alive then it is obviously a trick I am playing on you.  Show some respect, crawl back into your shell and try not to grow anymore, OK?"  It happens every time. Even the most natural of seers gets caught up in this.  This scenario fits every growth situation in your life, not just in the arena of seeing energy.  This is where most people stop.

To embark on this journey and get anything out of it you have to develop trust.  The next step is often far from view and the path, as shown in your circle drawing, is more than wiggly - it makes no sense before you reach the next outer dot.  If you were given driving directions that looked like that, you'd start laughing and throw it back at the person handing it to you.  The difference between driving maps and the map you made above is the destination.  You are developing knowledge about yourself and not seeking to end up anywhere else.  So don't throw the map you made away; though, you do have permission to laugh.

So where to find your first step?  You can do it right now.  Look around you and notice if any one particular object that you can see from your chair is shining brighter than the others.  What catches your eye?  If it is a a flower, then look up the flower meaning online.  If it's an animal, then see what the totem meaning of that animal is.  If it's a book, grab it and open it up to a random page and see what it says.  Maybe you are gazing out the window at the moon.  Dig in, whatever it is.  Everything means something and has now become a clue.  Chickadees and master chirpers alike use life like this in order to understand what is happening on our many levels.  It's quite genius if you get it.  The outer life reflecting the inner life takes the pressure off of constantly having to scan every system that we have.  I wouldn't want to go back to the day before the automobile gas gauge.  This is pretty much the same thing. Of course, developing an intimate relationship with our energetic systems is important, but that will develop with time and practice.  Until then, let your environment show you what to do and also let it show you that you are supported.

I've been releasing old patterns lately and tend to be tough on myself if I feel anger or loss.  I forget that these are a part of life and just want to jump back into being the chipper gal that I am.  While on the deck yesterday I noticed how lovely the hydrangea bush looked and decided to take some flowers in to my desk.  When I got upstairs I decided to look up what the hydrangea flower essence meant.  It's all about releasing old patterns and their emotions with tenderness and ease.  This is what I'm talking about.  I'd never worked with the hydrangea plant before and here was a helping hand growing in my yard.  This will happen to you again and again if you let it.   Using clues will help you to develop trust in yourself and ease that raucous mind of yours.  Besides, doesn't it add a little spark to the day when you're not just going from A to B?  Life is now a treasure hunt and the X on the map is you.

In session

You are still able to balance so in reality you are fine.  You see the greatness and beauty that is in everything.  All you need to do to drop that ache is acknowledge that you always seem to find a reason not to go for it.  Stop portraying yourself as less than you know you are.  Just because you have been conditioned to sit quietly doesn't mean that's best for you.  You have a lot to say, so say it.  Your mental faculties are all there, you have an expansive heart that fits mountains inside it.  Your solar plexus, my dear, will settle.  The rest of you is just fine.

I've noticed that you are having quite the difficult time in deciding what to reveal.  You're a lake with no bottom.  Let those who wish to swim, swim.  The others will pass through easily.  No need to worry.  Relax your shoulders, take a deep breath and the exhale will contain the perfect amount of you.

There is much in your life that is dulling.  You can see this.  Are you done with it or not?

Love,
Me

Fireworks at Bayview Beach

 Bayview Beach proper

Yes, I live at the beach.  I often say to my friends, "who needs to drive somewhere and sit amongst a crowd of people just to see some sky sparkle action when you can just walk down to the beach with me and have a 180 degree view in comfy solitude?"  Well this year I got three versions:  sitting in lawn chairs at a very respectable distance to view the Shelton/Derby throw down outside my friend's apartment building on Friday, the quiet beach version mentioned above on Sunday and something on Monday I've never, ever witnessed before - full out, you-got-served, sweaty, sand-flea ridden, macho gunpowder madness at the same spot I enjoyed the night before.  


There are some pictures from the scary night in a previous post titled Paaaaaandemonium - because it was.  I wasn't even in with the big crowd and I was ducking and squealing like a toddler.  It felt very unsafe but I couldn't peel my eyes away just the same.  It seemed like all the people inhabiting beach front houses were required to a.) have a huge ass bonfire and b.) spend thousands of dollars on fireworks.  I think c.) would be to become increasingly intoxicated as the night went on but that probably goes without saying.  I still sound like a Grandma and it's been almost a full week since I've witnessed this.  (sorry)  It was incredible to watch and very energizing to see all of my neighbors outside at the same time.  Unfortunately the teenage grandchild of the couple who lives to my left spent the night in the burn unit.  She's ok now.  


It's not surprising to me that so much explosive energy was released this week.  We just had three eclipses in one month, the last being on July 1st.  We're all stressed and crazy and the shit's just beginning to hit the fan, why not make it look like that in the sky, right?   I see it as a perfect representation of how we're all feeling.  Of course, explosive outbursts tend to do two things; they make us feel heard but they also tend to leave casualties.  It's a good thing that holidays normally spread an unusually large amount of solidarity between our fellow land mates.  I'm hoping that it lasts.  

 My favorite color :)

 A proud man

Dandelion fluff fireworks

Paaaaandemonium

Reading

Massaging tear drops
into my forehead
with fingertips I
lick wine drips from.

Best wishes from South
land dwellers, invitations
of comfort and city.

A snorer barricaded,
some glass to look out.
A grape ivy reminding
me of life and opportunity.

A film about Allen Ginsberg:
Howl.  To write as oneself
using vocabulary shared
with friends, with lovers.

I break the homosexual
ice to invite the discourse
of fucked up america into
the lightness of everyone.

All angels with swords.
To share an authority
discounts imagination;
to rebel discounts ones-self.

And so he speaks

Of walls and irons
and fires released.
I hear no call to
relinquish the fuming.
No cry for sorry, only
pretensions deceased.

Three creatures in
twelve hours.  Three
omissions of speech,
save the dog lying
on the table breathing
his last breath of heat.

And so it goes

What say dog.
Departed.
Yet to

prance
across my
dreary desk side

exhales.
Sit my
lap warm.  Remember

me by two
words.  The
only

humanity
you conquered:
[I] "Thank you."

dismayed

Crucial
wordings, frontings;
lackings in reciprocation.

In timing, in
loving, in
false.

In
asking me
to be more.

And you not
reaching for
yourself.